The grieving process is profoundly personal and complex. When we lose someone dear to us, the pain can feel all-consuming. Yet how each heals comes down to more than just moving on or forgetting our loved ones. Rather, discovering meaning amidst hardship involves carrying their legacies with us into each new day. 

 

Across cultures, we find diverse traditions surrounding grief - from Mexico’s Dia de Los Muertos (Day of the Dead) to China’s Qingming (tomb-sweeping day). Both are dedicated to celebrating the legacies of our loved ones. These are just two beautiful, cultural rituals honoring those we've lost. Creating a legacy in their name. Sharing the love that never leaves us. What a nuanced, evolved way of grieving - embracing the permanence of love as we carry our loved ones with us always. By ceremonially commemorating their memory, we progress through bereavement towards acceptance, rather than remain stunted in sadness. These ceremonies implicitly acknowledge the indestructible bonds that outlast death's grasp. Our ancient ancestors got it right; honoring legacies helps process loss.

 

In that, there is uncommon beauty.

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Many cultures continue to have no such rituals and therefore mistakenly judge another's continued displays of mourning as dwelling too long in the past. However, emerging research suggests we heal best by actively remembering, sharing stories, and feeling gratitude for the time we had with lost loved ones through legacy celebration. Rituals that honor their place in our hearts need not trap us in the initial anguish. They can instead anchor us to purpose and hope. They can anchor us to healing.

 

So, when you see someone traveling this winding road of grief, reflect first on how to surround them with compassion. Ask how you might make space for their cherished one’s memory, and how you might amplify that spirit’s lingering gifts. The greatest balms come through listening, counting, and recounting blessings, through gently nurturing another’s growth around the hollow spaces left behind. In this tending of sacred wounds, we cultivate the soil in which our shared humanity takes root and blossoms. If you want to help someone who is grieving, share in their rituals, listen without judgment, and focus on their loved one's legacy. Gently encourage gratitude and the helping of others if they seem stuck. Criticism isolates them further; kindness and understanding soothe.

 

I created the TSF program to spread this message . . . that grieving has lessons for us all. The end goal isn’t to stop feeling, stop remembering, or stop sharing. The goal is not to forget. The goal is to remember with gratitude. It’s to grieve in a community, integrated into our lives, so nobody suffers alone. 

 

This culture of support is what heals us. It’s a place where we can find purpose in the pain. 

 

Together.